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and, the Pool Lady doesn’t want to hear it either
We have seen it all, and we have heard it all. We know that freedom of speech is essential. And we know opinions are like a**holes…everyone has them. But seriously.. some things should never be said like ever. I decided to ask my friends what things they have had their customers say that can sadly never be unheard. Think of this as the manual we WISH we could give to our customers. 20+ Things the Pool Man Will Not Tell You Not to Say ?
Things You Should Never Say…. to a Pool Guy/Gal
“But I saw it on Amazon for…”
“Can I buy it used, and have you install it?”
“That’s not how they did it on Youtube.”
“Do you price match?”
“Can I buy it online, and you put it in?”
“I Googled it.”
It’s All Your Fault
“The last guy did it fine.”
“It was working ok before you touched it.”
“That wasn’t like this before.”
“You fixed (this) and now (this unrelated item) doesn’t work.”
“My last one didn’t do that.”
“It was working yesterday.”
(5 years later) “This product never worked from day one.”
Perform a Miracle
“Take a look at it, but if it costs money, I am not fixing it.”
“I run my pump for 2 hours. Why is my pool green?”
“Can you run my pump at night? It’s cheaper then”.
“You shouldn’t need chemicals. It’s a salt pool”.
“It’s not raining at my house.”
The Customer Knows Best
“I’m an engineer.”
“… I’m an engineer, and my wife is a lawyer.”
“Not saying I know more than you, but I AM an engineer.”
“I know how to do it, and I just don’t have time.”
“Fix my pool, or else you’ll hear from my friend’s attorney.”
“I used to clean my grandma’s pool.”
“My nanny takes care of the pool. Why does it look like that?”
“I used to be a pool guy, so I know.”
“I’ve been doing my pool for years with no problems.”
“At my friend’s pool…”
“That’s not what the service tech said…”
“You need to put the shock in the tab feeder.”
“The guy at Leslie’s said…”
Do it Yourself
“I put in algaecide I got at Walmart. Why is it foaming?”
“It said ‘low salt’ so the builder added a bag of salt directly to the skimmer.”
“Mind if I watch?”
“Sorry about that. I tried to fix it with electrical tape”.
“It has an autofill….(its) pulling from the creek.”
“My son-in-law is going to start taking care of the pool. Can you show him what to do?”
“I tried that. It’s not a problem.”
That’s Not Sanitary
“Now that we have a pool, my kids don’t have to shower as much.”
“I only shower after swimming to get the chlorine smell off.”
“It’s my kid’s poop; I can’t get sick.”
“My son had an explosive round of diarrhea, and his diaper split open.”
(Comes out in robe) “My wife is on a cruise…what time are you done working.”
“I’ll have you install it if you do it in a bikini.”
“If I weren’t happily married, I would ask you on a date.”
“My wife likes sunbathing topless on Mondays…can you come on Tuesdays?”
“Is your daughter single?”
“I’ll be upstairs in the shower if you need to talk to me.”
“Can I have your cell number–no, your personal cell number?”
“Care for a drink?”
Similar Article 5 Ways to Deal With Unhappy Customers
That’s Just Wrong
“Never seen a girl pool cleaner…but girls are better at cleaning.”
“Is there a guy in the back I can talk to.”
“(At a trade show) Are you bookkeeper?”
“My husband reads our texts.”
“I buy all my pool stuff from you. (Checks computer and $50 in the last three years).
“I just bought this a year ago…”
“Someone was just here.”
“I’m a good customer.”
The Penny Pincher
“Do I save money if I dig it myself.”
“Can I bring my own (insert tradesman) to save money?
“The guy down the street got his for less.
“Can I have once a month service, but pay the weekly rate?”
“I don’t need an automatic pool cleaner. I have you.”
“What do you mean the check is bad? There is money in that account”
(After the job is done) “Can I make payments?”
“I don’t know how I gave you a counterfeit $100 bill. I just got it from the bank.”
“Can I pay you next month? We are going on vacation.”
“I was thinking of just filling it with dirt.”
“I’m having a party….” That’s enough about that one.
There is just no end to the off-the-wall, ridiculous, and just flat out rude things customers will say. They mean well. We love them. Thanks for helping me crack up with these. I love the humorous side of our jobs.
Special thanks to Erick Bravo, Ian H. Dawson, Ken Kerr, David Brokamp, Russell Cantrell, Russ Cahn, Peter Wiedermann, Wayne Ivusich, Eric Honeyman, Danny Riley, Eric Martinez, Terry Ham, Curt Newman, Karl Toth, Vance Veno, Mike Boehm, Reaves Newsroom, Todd Anthony Theriault, Brian Worley, Frank Bybee, Bryson Montierth, Chad Webster, Kevin Cobabe, Aaron Darouse, Misty Knight, Jeanette Ladd Horn, Michael Dyer, Andrea Nannini, Erin Thibodeau, Shea Daubney, Kristen McDowell, Katie Crysdale, Wendy Purser, Kerri McCoy, Mindy Eaton, Larry Wagner, Donald Nolette, David Rockwell and Gabe Jensen for contributing.